Worst Analogies Found in High School Papers

"McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup."

"From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30."

"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."

"He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."

"Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 'Second Tall Man.'"

"She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again."

"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

"She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs."

"He was so deeply in love when she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up."

"Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center."

"Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake."

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

"She had a deep throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up."

"The politician was gone, but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can."

"He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree."

"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."

"The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play."

"The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon."

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